


Grey

by TsukiKabanoki



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Romance, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 02:46:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15654150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TsukiKabanoki/pseuds/TsukiKabanoki
Summary: As soon as you touch your soulmate, the world goes from white and greys and black to the rich colours it is.Every Gallifreyan has a soulmate. Humans, being modeled after them by evolution, have them too.It is a fact in the universe that soulmates love each other unconditionally – even if not always in a romantic way.But it isn't always as beautiful as the stories make one believe. Because the second your soulmate dies, the world instatly falls back into greys leaving you crushed. Sometimes soulmates are seperated by politics or other factors. Some people brush hands in a crowd, but are never able to find their other half again. Some don't meet them at all.But for most a soulmate means a better way of living – never being alone again.Rose's world bursts into colour as soon as a complete stranger grabs her hand and tells her to run.Doctor x Rose - Soulmate AU





	Grey

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is unedited. I apologize for every mistake and every weirdly worded paragraph.  
> You can skip the first paragraph if you don't particularly care about how the Soulmate stuff works.  
> River isn't the Doctor's wife in this.

As soon as you touch your soulmate, the world goes from white and greys and black to the rich colours it is. Blind people suddenly hear clearer, the world seems to sound more beautiful.  
Every Gallifreyan has a soulmate. Humans, being modeled after them by evolution, have them too. Like most humanoid and a few non-humanoid species.   
It is a fact in the universe that soulmates love each other unconditionally – even if not always in a romantic way. There are next to no toxic and abusive relationships because of this, hate towards same-gender or interracial partners has never been heard of.  
But it isn't always as beautiful as the stories make one believe. Because the second your soulmate dies, the world instatly falls back into greys leaving you crushed. Sometimes soulmates are seperated by politics or other factors. Some people brush hands in a crowd, but are never able to find their other half again. Some don't meet them at all.  
But for most a soulmate means a better way of living – never being alone again.

Several of the Doctor's companions ask if Time Lords have soulmates and if he has met his yet. He tells them that he hasn't, that he's still waiting. A few of them find it out themselves, when they notice that he doesn't have the faintest idea what colour something is and ask hesitantly if his other half is still out there. He tells them that they are, that he's still waiting.

Rose's world bursts into colour as soon as a complete stranger grabs her hand and tells her to run. She doesn't realize it at first. But then they stand in the lift and he looks at her as if she has hung the stars.  
„You're … you're my soulmate,“ he stammers, eyes wide, plastic arm in hand.  
She doesn't know how to react, her brain has shut down. „You pulled his arm off,“ is what comes out. That isn't what she meant to say.  
For the rest of the conversation his arms are crossed and he remains distant as if he doesn't want to touch her again. In reality he very much wants to, but she is human. His soulmate is human. Her life span is a blink of an eye to him. How cruel can the universe be?

So they dance around each other. Or more accurately: he does. He tells himself that soulmates don't have to be romantic in nature. Wouldn't it hurt so much more if he fully embraced his feelings only to lose her in the end?

He watches Jack openly flirt with her and he can't help but to be jealous. He tells himself that he has no right to be, since he doesn't plan on making a move, but Jack catches on eventually.  
One night, after Rose has gone to bed, he asks, „You and Rose … you're not together, are you? Yet you are so posessive of her and she of you that I can't help but ask myself if you two see colours, Doc?“

But then there is the Game Station and he has to send her away, he can't lose her. He isn't sure he'd survive that. And she sits at the table with her mum and Mickey and she can't just wait for him, she can't lose him.  
„It was a better life. An' I don't mean all the travelin', seein' aliens and spaceships an' things, that don't matter. He's my … The Doctor showed me a better way of livin' your life! You don't just give up, you don't just let things happen, you make a stand, you say no … He's my soulmate, mum. I can't sit here, when ...“ She bolts out of the shop.  
And she returns to him. Of course she does. But he's so afraid of Bad Wolf, of what she means for Rose's mind. He takes the Vortex out of her and he's a new man and it's Rose's turn to be scared of him.  
But her world is still so full of colour and the man in front of her insists that he's still the Doctor. And she believes him.

After meeting Sarah Jane, Rose finally has enough: „That's really seein' the future, you jus' leave us behind. Is that what you gonna do to me?“  
He's quick to answer. „No, not to you.“ How could he ever?  
„Why? Because we're soulmates?“ He flinches, but she doesn't care. „And Sarah Jane wasn't and that's why you never even mention her?“  
„Because I don't age.“ He doesn't raise his voice, but the strain on his voice tells her he'd like to. „I regenerate.“ There are tears in his eyes and now she feels sorry for confronting him. „Humans decay. You wither and you die. Imagine that happen to someone who you -“  
„What, Doctor?“  
„You can spend the rest of your life with me, but I can't spend the rest of mine with you.“ She doesn't answer so he goes on, „Rose, you're my soulmate, yes. And I think I'm … I'm afraid of that. I'm afraid of losing you.“  
„You won't.“  
„What?“  
„You won't lose me. Not ever.“ She steps closer. „I want to stay with you until the end of my little human life, if that's okay with you.“  
He looks conflicted. „Rose,“ he starts. But suddenly they are kissing and he knows that this is the right thing.

He's leaning against the wall, imagining she's just on the other side. He feels numb. The walls have closed, traveling between universes is now impossible. He doesn't notice it at first, because everything here is white. And he thinks about how people think black is a sad colour, when white is so much more depressing. But the colours are slowly draining away until they're dull, barely still there and he has to see her again. He has to.

„How many women have you abducted?!“ He's confused, but then he sees the shirt in the woman's hand.  
„That's my friend's.“ That word doesn't sit right with him.  
„Where is she then? Popped out for a space walk?“  
„She's gone.“ That's the least complicated, but honest, truth.  
„Gone where?!“  
„I lost her.“  
„Well, then you can hurry up and lose me!“ She seems to notice his lack of response, because she asks in a softer tone, „How do you mean lost?“

And then they're sitting on the roof talking about last Christmas. „I spent Christmas Day right over there! The Powell Estate with the … family. My friend's … girlfriend's family.“ He remembered how happy they had been. Christmas dinner with a red paper crown on his head and how lovely she looked with her pink lips stretched into that wide smile of hers. „Still … gone now.“  
„Your friend … who was she?“

„Doctor!“ Donna calls him back.  
„Oh, what is it now?“  
„That friend of yours, was she your …?“ He nodded. „What was her name?“  
„Her name was Rose.“

„Forgive me for this. It's to save a thousand lives, I have a soulmate, it means nothing.“ And he kisses Martha. He can't help but to think of Rose and how she's still out there somewhere, but a quick peck isn't enough to properly get his DNA on her.

„But is there a … crew? Like a navigator an' stuff? Where is everyone?“  
He clicks a few bottons. „Just me.“ Has he always sounded so lonely?  
„All on your own?“  
„Well … sometimes I have guests. I mean, some friends. Travelling alongside. I had … it was recently ...girlfriend … Rose, her name was Rose … And we were together. Anyway ...“  
„Where is she now?“ She must have broken up with him, Martha thinks.  
„With her family,happy, she's fine.“

It's unfair to Martha to always speak of Rose, but he can't help it. She's on his mind all the time and sometimes his thoughts slip out, which the witch promptly takes advantage of.

„I just gotta ask,“ Jack says when he meets him again. „The Battle of Canary Wharf. I saw the List of the Dead. It said Rose Tyler.“ The Doctor looks heartbroken for a moment, but then he grins at him.  
„Oh no, sorry, she's alive!“  
„You're kidding!“  
„Parallel world. Safe and sound! And Mickey and her mother!“  
„Oh yes!“ He goes to embrace his friend. Overjoyed.  
That emotion doesn't last, when the Time Lord reveals what really happened.  
„She's gone, Jack. She's not just living on a parallel world, she's trapped there.“ He could still see her standing on that beach in faded colours like an old picture. „The walls have closed.“  
„I'm sorry. I can't imagine how you must feel. Without your -“  
„Yeah.“ The Doctor doesn't want to hear the word.

River makes him uncomfortable. He doesn't like knowing future things and River seems to know an awful lot about him. He doesn't like the pet names, but he realizes after a while that she talks to everyone else in a similar fashion. When she whispers „Bad Wolf“ to him, he knows, he has to trust her.

He can talk to Donna about Rose, without getting a hurt or jealous look. On the days he misses her the most, Donna just lets him ramble on and on. That helps.   
He realizes that he doesn't tell Donna how wonderful she is when he hears how she thinks of herself.  
„I'm nothing special.“  
„Yes, you are,you're brilliant.“  
He tries to tell her that the parallel world wasn't real, tries to comfort her, but how she tells him what the woman has said sounds awfully accurate and dangerous.  
„Who was she?“ Maybe someone important.  
„I dunno.“  
Did that woman know that not giving away her name was a basic law? Maybe he knows her, has given her such an instruction. „What did she look like?“  
„She had -“ She shrugged. „- light hair. Blonde?“  
But … that was impossible. Could it be? „What was her name?“  
„I told you, I dunno.“ She thinks back. „But she told me … to warn you. She said two words.“  
„What two words, what were they, what did she say?“ Could it be Rose? But what could two words possibly be that they were so important?  
„Bad Wolf.“

His brain feels like it's split into three parts. One is thinking. All the time. Calculating, theorizing. Thinking abou the big How. The other is worrying. The walls are collapsing, multiple universes are in danger, then on top of all the earth just disappears. The third part can't concentrate on anything other than Rose. Rose is coming back. Rose is alright. Is Rose alright? He hopes she is.  
„Why don't you ask her yourself?“  
And then there she is.And he breaks into a sprint, because at the end of this abandoned street is the love of his lives and she is running towards him too. And when he gets closer he sees her face properly, the way she smiles. She drops the gun to embrace him. She has waited years for this moment and then he's in her arms and he swirls her around. They kiss and it tastes salty because they're both crying. He pulls away, because he never said it. He never told her how much he … and then there is only pain. He can hear her shout and he thinks he hears a gun shot too. And then there she is again. „Long time no see“, he gets out.  
„Been busy, you know.“  
„You're so colourful.“

They can grow old together. They'll be happy. She's his soulmate too.  
He wants to tell her. He so desperately wants her to be with him. But he can't deprive her of a normal life. „Does it need saying?“

He goes back to her. One last time. He wants to think of her when he dies. And there she is. Faded colours, but as beautiful as ever. He wants to hold her, kiss her, tell her he loves her. But he knows he can't. And it breaks his heart.  
„See ya.“

He still doesn't know a thing about River and it annoys him to no end. She speaks so fondly to Amy as well, which puts his mind a bit at ease. The Doctor is quick to shut down Amelia's suggestion that she is his wife. He tells her then, that he has a soulmate. Amy is surprised.  
„I didn't know Time Lords had soulmates.“  
„Why wouldn't they?“  
„I don't know. I just thought it was too human for you.“  
He smiles at her. „Nothing can be too human. Don't let me tell you otherwise.“ He pauses. „Do you have a soulmate?“  
She blushes „You remember Rory?“  
„The one with the nose?“ This makes her laugh.

„One last day with your beloved. Which day would you choose?“ It pains him, this question. Because he'll never have the chance again. Kazran has. And it has to be soon.

„No, no, no, give me someone I like!“ The interface changes to a familiar girl.  
„Ha, thanks!“ He clutches his heart, he has been poisened quite badly, has he?  
„Voice Interface enabled,“ Rose says in her wonderful Cockney accent.  
„My Rose! Rose Tyler!“  
„I am not Rose Tyler. I am a Voice Interface.“  
„Rose, I never told you, … I -“  
„I am not Rose Tyler. I am a Voice Interface.“  
„Yeah, I know. How am I doing?“  
„Your system has been contaminated by the poison of the Judas tree. You'll be dead in 32 minutes.“  
„That's cheerful. I wonder how you are, back in Pete's world. Hope you're happy, Rose.“  
„I am not Rose Tyler. I am a Voice Interface. You'll be dead in 32 minutes.“  
„Yeah, time to regenerate.“  
„No regeneration possible. You'll be dead in 32 minutes.“  
„Why do you have to keep saying that?“  
„Because you'll be dead in 32 minutes.“ There is a long pause, the only sound his heavy breathing. But then the Interface says, „I am happy,“ in a soft voice. He knows he can find a way to cheat death. In her memory.

After the problem with the creepy hotel, he's talking to Amy about anything and nothing while sitting in his swing,making repairs. He plans on taking them home when he's finished.  
They chatter away and he asks her to give him the „tool with the red handle“. She hands it to him and continues telling him about some funny thing Rory did the other day, when he interrupts her. „The red handle, Pond, focus.“ He gives her the tool back, not looking away from whatever he's doing.  
She stares at it, confused. „It was the only red one here.“  
„It's not even red, it's …“ It dawns on him and he looks down at his friend, who is supposed to be all orange and colourful clothes, now painted in various shades of grey. His eyes widen as he realizes what just happened. A sob wrecks through his body before he can stop it.  
Now Amy has caught on too and looks at him with pity in her eyes, before getting him to the ground and just holding him. She waits until the shaking stops, until it's only the silent tears running down his face. When she looks him in the face again, his eyes seem dead and his expression very un-Doctor-ish.  
When the Ponds see him again, they aren't „the Ponds“ anymore.

They all leave in the end. First his beutiful soulmate. Then Donna. Then his Rose again. Now the Ponds. And he has enough. He doesn't want this. He doesn't need to participate in an ungrateful universe, that takes the love of his lives away three times and his friends, the only thing keeping him sane, right after.  
And then along comes an impossible girl. Someone who can't seem to die. A mystery to solve that will maybe stick around.

Clara and Bill and other companions, they ask him if Time Lords have soulmates and if he has met his yet. He tells them that he has and that she's gone, but that he can't give up, when there are still friends with him. A few of them find it out themselves, when they notice that he doesn't have the faintest idea what colour something is and ask hesitantly if his other half is still out there. He tells them that she isn't, but that she had a fantastic life.


End file.
